Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Fuck me I smell like cheese
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
