I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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