Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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