note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Randomize
