I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
