Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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