is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
