Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
