if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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