what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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