We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
