Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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