I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
