I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
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