This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
