so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
