So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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