Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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