Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
