i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
