census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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