that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
