I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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