so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
