brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
