I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
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He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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