Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
