Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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