i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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