Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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