sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
