TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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