I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Randomize
