so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
