i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
