no, he came in my armpit
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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