i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize