Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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