Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
