I love black thongs
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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