yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
nutella sex= disaster
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
