I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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