just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
