Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
