you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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