he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
