allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I need to stop coming to work sober
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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