Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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