My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I think my moral compass just broke
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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