Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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