I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
