Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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