is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
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