I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
