i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
