I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
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Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
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I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
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