i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
