Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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