And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
nut hugger
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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