She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
