Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
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I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
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I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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