What a fucking waste of an outfit
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
