I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
i think i just lost a toe
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
