i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
