I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
