One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
