i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
