we have pet lesbian snakes
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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