The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
