I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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