Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
