After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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