well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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