everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
