it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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